a time that should be exciting, but instead, many girls (guys too) are anxious, and... oh so serious. The one thing i decided not worry too much about is Dating. And it turns out it really makes things 1,000 x better. As a person that suffers and has suffered with anxiety & depression, I chose to leave my anxiety for other things, other more productive things, things i have control over. And yes i have control over dating & my atmosphere. But i chose to live in the moment, and not think about the future. Not feel forced to be attached to anything or anyone. It’s because when i meet someone, i have no hope & no fear. I have learned these lessons unconsciously but it is Yoda himself that said “When you have Power, you have Fear, Fear to Lose it.” (Phantom Menace)
Why waste too much energy on worrying about boys, and what will happen, or make yourself feel toooo much like shit & not enjoy it?
Surprisingly, the one thing i am really good at is Public Relations, Connections, People. So perhaps i have never had to worry too much about this. Because i’ve always been a woman who knew how to carry herself in any situation. I like to say “I’m tiny, but i can hang”. If i am just getting over a break up & back in the dating game, I don’t put crazy expectations of finding someone to fill a role or void in my life.
I strongly suggest keeping your options open, a lot of the time what it is you’re looking for is an emotional connection, to feel liked by people. Have some adventures and don’t get all too caught up in “will this 1 guy text me”. Yes you really like him, but you can also find other people who you really like as well in the meantime at least.
*If they do or don’t do X,Y or Z, don’t assume it’s because you’re not good enough.* <-- remember that, capeesh?
When it comes to people.. guys... Me personally, I have many options and many people up my ass. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean, i am a good lookin’ gal but I’m no Gigi Hedid. But looks are only %30 of the equation. Seriously. And if you’re reading this, that means there is hope. But lord knows, i like to try to stay focused on my own hobbies & passions and not get too caught up in appeasing people. I only allow people to have so much of my time. Mainly because i don’t have a whole lot of it. And this is a good thing. It makes things more enjoyable, special. It keeps me productive, and certain of my actions. By focusing on trying to better myself and putting my needs first, I automatically set myself up so that I am the main focus in my life & not someone else or what they think of me.
I’ve always been a lone wolf and like it that way. I’m an only child... off in my own little world sometimes. Anti-social? What’s the nicer word for that? OHHH...independent!
I just want to enjoy myself, get to meet people and have fun. Perhaps I’m not entirely ready to get settled down into something serious, i do feel bad in a sense because it’s sometimes a limbo or a dance you play with some that do want something more serious. But you can be intimate and open and see where it goes without pressure. If you are HONEST about where you are, and what you desire doing, then no one can hate you for it. Sure, i am open to the possibility of anything happening. But WHY are people so prudent on “Where will this go & are you looking for something serious” before it even starts. I guess there’s a thin line with peoples feelings of “I like you” & “I want to date”...
Girls meet boys meet girls & automatically assume “what role does he have in my life” “can he appease me?” “Does he just want sex”? “Does he not want sex”? “What is he thinking about me..”? You may not realize or admit you do, you do it without knowing you’re doing it, without even thinking. It’s like in the back of your unconscious mind.
I know at times, i have missed the entire journey of certain parts of my life trying to hustle to another end of it. And i have learned that i could have gotten just as much done, if not more & had a much more enjoyable time getting there if i just sat back and enjoyed the fucking ride.
And what i have learned is that, regardless of whether we end up dating or just going out & enjoying each others company a lot, WE CAN STILL be in each others lives & be cool regardless. I have many guy friends. I have many people that have come in and out of my life. But they will always remain. You can still be cool. Cordial.
Think of it this way “At least you had your cake sweety, and you didn’t gain weight!” lol.
If you get to know each other (and each others bodies) & don’t want to date WHAT’S WRONG WITH BEING FRIENDS? You already have gotten to know each other. And sure some may say “I wouldn’t be cool if my ex of 4 Years was still close friends with his ex”. And i understand that. That’s different. But you can still be, like i said, cordial. You may need each other somewhere down the line, may it be for help with something, a common interest, a reference. I don’t believe all people can remain friends, but i think certain types of people can. Especially if they were best friends in the time together & had deep conversations or both shared many common interests.
Irregardless. It says a lot about a person... how maturely they handle it & respect you.
I recently was texting someone i had a brief fling with years ago. We talked about his art and his relationship problems at the time & i was giving him advice, and he vented. It made me feel really happy. It was real. A real conversation with 2 real people. Who were kind.
Some girls would hold a grudge. Granted, i was the one that let the cards fall, and so it might be easier to say that, but it happens. Sometimes it’s just not in the cards. And when guys don’t text me constantly, i don’t get pissy or ask questions. Because i understand. Why can’t we just, exist? Ya know?
Life’s hard enough.
Girls meet boys meet girls & automatically assume “what role does he have in my life” “can he appease me?” “Does he just want sex”? “What is he thinking about me..”? You may not realize or admit you do, you do it without knowing you’re doing it, without even thinking. It’s like in the back of your unconscious mind. Sometimes you just like being around someone & you don’t know.
Sometimes you know right away. Perhaps it’s circumstances, times in your life, yada yada. Regardless, someone wouldn’t be with you, or even consider pounding that if you weren’t fucking fabulous.
A guy i recently was seeing, we hit it off really well, had some deep conversations via hot tub. He expressed extreme interest in me, but kind of fell off. He got busy. I guess i did too. He told me had just been working & focusing on himself, which i was happy to hear and told him i was doing the same. He could have been telling me a lie, but who cares. I was talking to other people as well. He texted me. Sometimes the next day, sometimes a week later. But the door is still open. And he is still out there, supporting what I do, and all of its little intricacies. If i were to have been crazy, or come off too strong, he could be scared, “How will i handle this?” “Can I keep up with her?” “what if she needs more than i can give her..”? “is this bitch an emotional luggage set..”?
Because i know when a guy does that to me, sometimes those are the exact thoughts that run through my head. Usually the “eh, can i handle this right now”? which leads to “Eh, i can’t handle this right now...”
It has to be fun, no pressure. We come back to each other when we do & enjoy each others company.
Perhaps not everyone handles things like this. We are all different. But i just find these have been the best ways to handle things, at least for me. I haven’t had too bad of an experience. I have broken some hearts. I have been hurt & pissed off sometimes. But it’s NOT what happens to you. It’s how you handle it. And how you handle it is important.
And if you do want to find the one, as ass backwards as this is, the only thing you have to do is not try.
As in, if you want to be in a relationship, focus on trying to be single.
And if you really do want & desire to be single, try to let them down easy.
If you have any questions, comments, ect ;